Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Thought I'd come back and add a little link to the sexiest photo I have ever seen in my life. It's here and it's hot!

Post's a bit late today, isn't it? Well, apart from the pressures of work, I've been trying to figure out how to respond to those of you who have attributed all the problems I've been having with my car recently to divine retribution for my paean to paganism the other day.

I would hardly have called it an evangelical piece, my aim was not to convert, just to highlight the dangers of taking everything the Church says at face value was all.

Anyway, he goes through some peculiar phases, this God of yours, doesn't he? From the hellfire and brimstone role model for Ariel Sharon in the Old Testament (although I must admit old Ariel has improved on it of late with regard to the smiting), through coming over all of a lovey-dovey in the New and now I am expected to believe that he has fallen so low as to tinker with the mechanics of my car? Please.

As I said, the story of Jesus stands alone in all theologies as the sole example of a god who paid us the ultimate compliment of assuming human form, checking all his heavenly powers at the door, well...those not involving turning water into something eminently more drinkable and raising the dead to name but two...and finding out exactly how it feels to be human and suffer like the rest of us poor souls. Never would we again be able to wail, "But you just don't understand. You don't know what it's like."

Turning the other cheek and loving my neighbour? I'm all for it. Up to a point, beyond which a good slap upside the head is likely to be much more efficacious. Anyway, a good story and one well worth repeating. The fact that I just don't happen to believe it is neither here nor there. Nor do I believe one word of any of Shakespeare's historical plays but it doesn't stop me returning to them with a sense of awe and wonder from time to time.

I'm not entirely sure if the blasphemy laws remain on the statute in England but if they do, what say you to a cosy little bonfire around which we can all gather and discuss our differences? I'll agree to respect your religion as long as you agree to respect mine. And what is mine, you ask? A belief in free speech and tolerance, I guess. And could I ask your forgiveness in advance? In the same way as Christians occasionally slide from the path, otherwise they would have turned the confessional boxes into public toilets by now, so might I backslide a little from time to time as my tolerance is tested to its very limits by small dogs, most of the recent posts on BU and by the existence of said blasphemy laws in a supposedly democratic society. Why should only christians have special protection under the law is what I want to know.

I guess it's similar to these new 'hate-crime' laws I keep reading about. I mean, what? I can wholeheartedly agree that turning the head of someone of different race/creed/religion/sexual orientation into something resembling tomato puree should be punishable by quite a stretch in chokey. But should the head of my caucasian, heterosexual self meet a similar fate, quite why the punishment for such an act should be any the less is something I am finding it difficult to come to terms with.

I can just picture the interview at the crime scene now.

"Constable, could you just wipe some of that blood and cranial debris off his face so's I can determine racial orientation."

"Right, Sarge."

"Oh, dear. Not looking good, I'm afraid. Looks like he's married an' all. Sliced his ring finger off, dint they? Now Sir. Religion? Hedonist eh? Well, we'll put you down for C of E, shall we?"

"Sarge, maybe they just had it in for blokes with smug, supercilious expressions."

"Hang on a mo', then...let me, Shirt Lifter, Sodomite, Taoist, Transvestite....naah, no Smug down here. Now then, Sir. 'Fraid there ain't much we can do for you. If you wouldn't mind movin' along now, Sir. We can't have you blocking the thoroughfare like this now, can we?"

Oh, well.

A short word about identity cards. No.

A long word about identity cards. Unconscionable. And if that isn't a word, it damn well should be!

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