Wednesday, November 12, 2003

For absolutely no reason whatsoever, I thought I'd have a musical introduction today. Just click the play button.

Having always been told by my elders and betters to follow their fine example, I have until now been rather successful in resisting these and other attempts to form, mould or otherwise trammel my character. If anyone tried to push me in one direction, I would head off immediately to the other point of the compass. This has proved to be pretty sound policy and even if I have ended up knee deep in the bisque on a few isolated occasions, I feel my life would have been much the poorer for not encountering them.

Upon reaching the age of 45, however, I feel it might be time to reassess my position. Purely in the nature of a social experiment you understand, and with myself as guinea pig, it would seem only fair, for once in my life, to follow the example of those who should know better.

To this end, I have decided to bomb McDonald's.

It seems that such a course of action should begin with a media campaign. Maybe Terminal Velocity can lend me his heavy metal glider for the day and I could do a leaflet drop over Nagykanizsa. The campaign should highlight the extent to which the company can ruthlessly dictate the diet our children should adhere to, its conscienceless propaganda targetted at such malleable young minds and the company's insistence on feeding an entire generation burgers of mass malnutrition.

Now I fully expect apologists for the corporation to argue that any changes to their policy should come from within or even be customer driven, but how a company which can come up with the menu item "McNuggets" is to be trusted to view their customers as being possessant of anything other than a smaller than average amount of cerebral matter is quite beyond my ability to explain.

I also predict that I shall be urged to consult the end users of the product, the customers themselves. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Why on Earth should they be bothered with such complicated nutritional matters when there is someone like me who has studied the problem from every conceivable angle, become convinced of the only possible solution and is prepared to carry it through no matter the cost? The very idea!

No. I shall simply reduce the Nagykanizsa branch of McDonald's to a pile of smouldering rubble and point to the resulting improvement in our children's diet as ample justification.

Anyway, for those who missed it first time round on Lampiao's blog, here it is again. A classic of the genre.

And for the precision vaulters among you, there's always this.

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