DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I've just been over at the Shoe and been enlightened as to what women really mean by what they say. In a spirit of reciprocity, I feel it is only fair that I shine a light on the undercurrents of male conversation. It's not that we lie, per se. You just need to understand the code.

"You look nice tonight."
- any chance of a blow-job?

"How well do you know Jane/Lucy/Samantha etc.?"
- any chance of a threesome?

"Jane/Lucy/Samantha etc? Oh, she's alright, I guess."
- I wonder how far down my dick she'd leave lipstick marks?

"I really enjoyed talking with you."
- my ears hurt.

"Do you need anything from the shops?"
- anything small and inexpensive that'd wedge inbetween the crates of Stella.

"Shall we go out for dinner tonight?"
- What you cooked yesterday was crap and I'm not too optimistic about today, either.

"Do you want to drive?"
- I want to get bladdered.

"Can I help you with that?"
- I'm afraid you might drop it and it cost me a lot of money.

"Did you find that web page you were looking for?"
- Someone's been fucking about with the settings again.

"Morning!"
- Do not even think about talking to me for at least half an hour and where's my coffee?

"You don't have any plans for tonight, do you?"
- I want to watch the footy on TV and get bladdered.

"You look really nice in it, honestly."
- If anyone asks, I don't know you.

"Yeah...okay...right...mm hmm...of course..."
- Shut the fuck up.

Not that I would ever utter any of the above, of course. You do believe me...don't you?