BROAD THOUGHTS FROM HOME

If all Dweebs are Dorks and some Dorks are Geeks, are all Dweebs Geeks? Well, I'm bugadifino but this guy is a definite Dweeb.

Well, welcome back every one and all. Where have you been? Profitably engaged, I fervently hope. Unlike Jess, who has been missing in inaction, I have been working my little cotton socks off recently and have, therefore, been blogged off for quite some time.

Two weeks ago, we took the frog to the doctor's as she had been unable to shake off an infection in the ear, nose and throat department and her production of slimy, yellow, globulous mucus had gone into overdrive. I remained unfazed as it was (and still is) my firm opinion that it is the basic nature of frogs to have runny noses, scabby knees and foul mouths but the trainee dragonette was equally firm in her wish to visit said physician for a less flippant diagnosis.

Anyway, MD referred froglet to specialist at hospital but not before said froglet had invited said physician to "Bog off farty pants" which led to deep regret on my part for my non-attendance. I have a conviction that I just may have soiled my underwear had I been there to witness it.

From what I can gather from conversation with dragonette, physician suffered a bit of a knee jerk the effect of which was to induce panic attack in mother and several contretemps in the House of Kan. Two operations necessary, one to remove tonsils and one to insert tubes in both ears to drain away offending infected matter. Froglet on no account to attend nursery school for indefinite period and must remain under house arrest until further notice.

At this point I glanced at froglet who was doing her elbows pumping botty wobble dance and came to the conclusion that she was giving me her opinion as to how said physician had arrived at her rather radical conclusion. My consequent lack of concern was therefore, a source of some little friction between self and fire-breather. Just two things you have to take on board, my sweet little destroyer of worlds..."Voodoo" and "Chile".

There are two black guys in Nagykanizsa, both doctors and both acquaintances of your correspondent. If you have an aversion to being stared at and pointed out on the street, I suggest you avoid their company should you ever venture east of Austria. Anyway, a quick phone call later and Caleb agreed to proffer second opinion regarding froglet's predicament. Upshot was, one nasal spray, two weeks off nursery school, constant nose-blowing and operations may not be as essential to future happiness as was previously thought.

Despite being rather zippety doo dah about the outcome, I recalled my father's first words after his first stroke. "Bugger, bugger, damn, shit, blast!" (and I suddenly knew where froglet got it from!). Thing was, you see, that I had 200 examination scripts at home which were in urgent need of marking and the scaly one could not have any more time off work so I would have to frog-sit until such time as we could pack her off to nursery school again.

One week later and froglet can recite the entire script of Shrek, Kan is bleary eyed but considerably healthier in company bank account and opens e-mail to find request for marking 100 oral examinations in one week. Well, what could I say? I have expenses. I have a single Islay malt habit to sustain. Send the cassettes, dear heart. Send them forthwith and anon.

It is now 11:43 of a Thursday evening and I only have 14 left to mark tomorrow. Froglet is now word perfect in Chihiro and Kan is outside four bottles of Stella which still retails here at about 33p a half litre bottle. Just thought I'd drop that in in an attempt to inculcate insane jealousy in your otherwise dear and gentle hearts. As I have been on at least Ł15 an hour for the past two weeks, I leave it to you to calculate the state of the Kan cellar at this present moment. I would err on the side of healthy, if I were you.

Took froglet to hospital today, Caleb informs us that she is in rude health and can return to nursery school on Monday...no operations in the least bit necessary...Kan refrains from even mouthing "I told you so" under his breath to flesh searing one and all is tickerty boo once more in Kan mansions.

Although pressures (no, that is not a Gollum impression) have resulted in a distinct lack of active blogging recently, I have been able to keep up with posts on my favourite blogs and I find I have so much to say in response that I must save it all for another day. Watch this space.

Oh, and for those of you kind enough to leave comments or send concerned e-mails, the Crash, bang, bollocks was entirely due to the Blades' abysmal performance against Sunlan and did not overly affect my driving to fetch family back to the bosom of our country seat. Kan has had nearly two weeks of enforced sobriety and, despite my rather careful intake this evening, the wheels are guaranteed to fall off sometime in the near future and hopefully such hindered, hampered and otherwise handicapped locomotion will lead to an entertaining blog or few. Stay tuned.

What's up, Doc?