FROGGY BOTTOM

I am lying supine on the sofa when a shadow falls over the TV screen, obscuring my view of the rather dire Blackburn Chelsea game.

Froggy, for it is she...a picture of innocence in pink pyjamas: "Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"This is the end for you."

"What do you mean?"

An evil smirk spreads across her face, she turns through 180°, cocks up her right leg and lets one rip. A snorter.

That's my girl. I wonder what the Hungarian is for skid marks.